:: ExPEcT THE uNExPEcTEd ::

salam..

this is my new blog http://nazatimsuria.blogspot.com

feel free to visit! =)

I don’t know if this is a common thing happens to every woman. But I do know this thing happens to some of us, occasionally more than 2 women.

We found a man, but he’s not the man of our heart. We chose him not because we really like him, but instead because of what our friends’ told us, urged us to be with him, or sometimes because there’s an urgency to have a man in our life, which is a man we chose in a hurry desperate situation.

Because he’s not the man we liked or loved from the beginning, not all of his weaknesses we can accept. From that point, we found other weaknesses that lead to the stage where we started to hate him.

The worst part of it, later we found another man that fit the man we always want. He’s not perfect, people might hate him for his weaknesses but because of that, we fell in love with him. He’s not somebody, but he’s the man that you think fit you perfectly.

Up to this point, you realized that you cannot be with the man you with now anymore. Not because the man you liked, also liked you (coz sometimes this doesn’t happen) but because of him, you know exactly what your heart has search for. The real loves, from you to a person, which he loves you back. And the only feeling left for him is sympathy, no more that that.

For a woman out there, if you are in this situation, my only advice is let go of the man. The same goes to the man, let her go. If not, both of you will suffer – damage done to the heart.

My other advice is…

Be with a person only when you love him/her.

Don’t be with a person with your heart to him/her half-hearted.

Don’t be with a person because of sympathy.

Love that person with whole of you heart.

But if that person ever hurt you, don’t blame him/her.

You never know what damage will happen further if you try to keep him/her.

But be thankful, meeting him/her teaches you about love and things you won’t know theoretically.

Be thankful, for a little love Allah has put in your heart.

Coz love is from Allah, and it is His art.

    I surfed a blog of my dearest friend. And it shocked me. I’m indebted to her, in a way only forgiveness can settle it all. It’s not that I’m shocked that she talked about me (in a way), but it shocked me so much that how little have I cared for her feelings, and maybe others too. I’m not going to explain things I’ve done, as I hate so much to see the past. But deeply, truly, I APOLOGIZE for all things that I’ve done to hurt you..

    So much so I hate the past, and keep saying that no matter what happened, I will have no regrets in my life. But what exactly I did (or I do) was having a feeling to hate person that used to make my heart broken. (ngeee…) Simplest example, I still hate my ex till today, to the extent that I can’t even see him anymore. And when the time passed by, I wonder what wrongs had he done that made me hate him so much. So to relate the fact that ‘I hate past, but can’t forget it’, with the item above (my friend-blog), even though I told myself that all that happened between us are over, but I kept on having the ’stigma’ (borrowed from her) that she was and would always do bad things to me.

    It was later, another friend of mine asked me, what it is about her that I hate so much that I keep on saying bad things behind her? Then I realized, she’s a beautiful young lady (added up.haha), a very nice girl, approachable, easy to talk with etc etc. You know her, and you’ll be her best friend in a minute. That’s the answer I gave to my friend. Which means….exactly where is the part of her that I hate so much? (kan kan?)

    If you know me, you know that I always being enthusiastic, eager to do things and won’t easily feel down. I failed a paper - the ‘easiest’ subject I should say -, but it didn’t get me down. My pointer went down, up, and down, I didn’t get my scholarships, I lost my ‘100 novels’ (exaggerated), I got into an accident etc etc..but all of them did not make me feel down (well..maybe a lil, but not too long). Only a thing that can easily make me down — when I have an issue with a person, which deals with a person’s heart. When I surfed her blog -I’ve easily detected that she’s talking about me- , I feel so down. What have I done to this happy-go-lucky-idol-of-friends of mine??

    Only forgiveness can settle this mess I’ve made. And for that, I beg for your forgiveness…..

    To my other friends out there, I’m truly sorry for things I’ve done to you all. Bad mouths, bad actions… To Kathy, Paan, Ipah, Una, Anis Bazilah, K. Anis, Una, Lya, Aton.. Again, if forgiveness can settle the mess I made, I beg it from you all….

    Without friends….I’m nothing….

Saya makan tersangatlah lambat. Fakta.

Selalunya saya akan masak maggi kurang masak, yg ada cam crunchy - crunchy lg tu.. supaya masa saya makan, maggi tu akan jadi masak.
yela, saya kan makan lambat.kalau well-cooked, nanti tgh2 makan jadi lembik.
tak yummy..

Selalunya kalau keluar makan buffet, saya akan ambik makanan sikit je..
bukan diet tau..
tapi supaya saya dpt habis makan sama dgn orang yg makan cepat, dan supaya orang tu tak tinggalkan saya.
ngeee…

Saya tak pernah kira berapa kali saya kunyah makanan.
mungkin 40 kali, mungkin lebih.
yg penting kena kunyah bg hancur semua dulu, baru telan.
korang pernah tak muntah, pastu tgk makanan yg korang makan tak hancur pun?
yuksss…

Tak tau sejak bila dan siapa yg ajar makan lembab macam tu.
Tak rasa sopan santun pun makan lambat, tapi rasa sangat lembab.
Mintak maaf kepada semua yang sentiasa menunggu saya untuk menyudahkan makanan.
Anda terhebat!!!

I would say.. it was a very wrong decision for me to take a short semester with only 1 subject!

Were I thinking straight before making that decision? I mean, any grades I get would pull off my CGPA. Any grades! If it’s A to B, it would be great. But if it’s B- to C, or even failed? Ngeee…!!

I thought this subject is an easy subject. Method of Dakwah. Sort of, common sense thingy. Ya rite..serve me rite to think like that!

I had never studied Arabic like this, memorizing the book words by words. Usually I’d only understand it, and just memorized some of it. But NEVER memorized it words by words.

And after I’ve studied the book, I understand why this subject is not a common sense subject. It may be a common sense thingy, but from a different angle.
It opened up my eyes, not to take things for granted and blamed others for mistakes I’ve done in taking the subject!

Well..
I hope I could be a great Da’ie after the great understanding of the subject! (synical and sarcastic)

Note: Journal on Jan 27, 08

 My 2^nd Moot – Compulsory
Moots II – was so not up to my expectation. I dunno..

My first class
was ok. It was just a normal ice-breaking. The second class was a bit..too
boring, which really changed my mood that day.

 On the 2^nd class, we were
given the moot’s problem. The problem was really a PROBLEM. Bcoz, not only the
facts were not on our side – the appellant, yet the facts were so confusing. Even
though our classmates managed to get the original case, still the case was so
confusing. [Our lecturer said that there was a case where when the lower
court’s judge had given a confusing judgment, the appellate court asked the
case to be re-tried.]

 We were asked to submit our bundle
of authorities on a certain date. But unbelievable, the hardworking me,
nevertheless, had done nothing except on the week – the week which the BOA
supposed to be submitted. Not only that, we submitted the BOA with
half-prepared – without highlighting the important parts, unknowing the issues
etc. Even I had problems during preparing the outline of submissions, and the
cover page too. It’s because, I used the materials given by our Lord Mizan, and
it was a conflicting materials that my co-counsel got from.. I dunno. When I did
A, she did B. It’s not that I THOUGHT THAT I AM SO CORRECT, but I was so
used to the previous method and when there’s a conflict, it got me mad. But
now I’ dealing with it, try not to be such a DICTATOR.

 During my moot – the presentation of
the submissions – as usual, I wore my blazer but kept my bib, as I thought if I
wear it, others will laugh at me. And as I entered into the class…ughhh.. it
was so frustrating. I didn’t mind when some of them didn’t wear their blazers.
(xda blazers, so definitely xda bibs la

kan

??)
But still some of them wore t-shirt with the striking orange, blue and red baju
kurung.. Ugh! I thought WE WERE BRIEFED ON THE COURT’S ETIQUETTE and HOW TO
DRESS PROPERLY IN COURT??

 I told this story to my beloved
ex-partners and friends from my previous class – with Bro. Mizan. They told me
the same! (which is not a surprise)

 They said, when they got in the
class of Moots II, they had the expectations that it would be much more
interesting. YET.. it’s not as what they expected. (I told them.. yeah yeah
same goes here!) 

 To make it worst, during their
presentation, some of them do things that would make us laugh. For example,
saying Good Morning to the judge, giving salaam and even.. “Alhamdulillahi
rabbil alamin..wassolatu wassalam..”. It’s not like what they did was wrong
but..shouldn’t that kata-kata aluan only be in speech @ public speaking @
Shariah Court? I dunno if we’re wrong, but that was what we’ve been taught
before.

 Another worst scenario, some of the
audiences were clapping their hands while the others were presenting. Wasn’t
that the worst scenario? – shouldn’t it be a contempt of court?

 When we taught others on how things
that supposed to be done, they would say, “Eh kitorang tak blaja pon.. korang
blaja la kot,

kan

korang budak brother mizan..”

 Ya right! Despite being so proud
when others say that – budak brader mizan – it feels so ashamed. Are we the
minority that ‘uphold the seriousness of doing a moot’, and are we the only
that have ‘the consciousness of the supremacy of a court’?

 What really made me sad is when some
lecturers aren’t being briefed seriously on how a moot should be conducted. Yes
it’s true that students hate to be pressured on. But it’s not the pressures
that suppose to be stressed on, it’s about the procedures. Make students
realize the importance of mooting – the court’s etiquette & procedures –
that’d achieve the objective of moot.

 I’m not telling the lecturers on how
a moot should be conducted – I’m only a student! No offend – but when the
lecturers are not being told/briefed on how a mooting should be done, how
students would know that? Isn’t that defeating the purpose of mooting??

 I am so proud to tell others that my
previous Mooting lecturer was Bro. Shahrul Mizan!

    Malam ni ada kenduri selamat. bukan pe sgt pon..just because nak celebrate my mom’s, dad’s n kakngah’s besday. dorang share besday bulan 1 ni, so celebrate la skali byk..ada nenek, famili acik, n famili makteh..as usual..=)
    start dr maghrib, solat jemaah, pastu wat tahlil. after tahlil n sementara tunggu isya’, as usual jugak, ayah bg la tazkirah sket ~ things that make me proud for being his daughter=) ~
    ayah ckp, zikir2 La ilaha illAllah tu adalah tahlil. n nape bila org bc tahlil tu kepala duk goyang2? *kikikiki* sbb digalakkan bila baca tahlil, bwk dr kanan ke kiri..digalakkan baca tahlil ni 100kali.so bila kumpul ramai2, byk la jadi nye..cam td, lbh kurang 10 org.so 100×10..kan byk tuh..bila bc byk2, tahlil2 yg kita baca tu, akan jd cahaya. cahaya2 tu akan naik ke atas dan penghuni langit a.k.a Malaikat akan nampak cahaya2 tu, n then akan doakn kita. cahaya2, doa2 ni akan dibawa malaikat sampai ke Allah, n akan Allah makbulkan. tp akan jd lmbt klu ada halangan2. ape halangan2 tu? tu la dosa2..
    nenek tanya. habes tu, ada org ckp nape aku doa lambat sgt makbul tp org lain doa jap je makbul? ayah cakap, ada 3 sebab..slh satu sebab dia, sbb badan tu tak readi lg nak terima doa tu.. masa Perang Khandak, masa nabi tgh gali parit besar tu, ada skali nabi terpukul batu. bila ketuk batu, ada la percikan api kan.masa percikan api tu, nabi nampak 3benda.tp slh satu nya, nabi nampak kerajaan Rom akan dijatuhkan. tp bila org2 Islam tunggu punya tunggu, kerajaan Rom tak jugak jatuh2.. 700tahun kemudian, br la kerajaan Rom jatuh, dijatuhkan oleh Muhammad Al-Fateh. Skg tmpt tu la Turki, Istanbul. asal Istanbul tu Islambul, tp dah kene tuka.. kesimpulannya..doa Nabi tu pon, 700tahun br dimakbulkan..
    ayah sambung lagi..byk pahala kita wat tahlil ni.lg ramai org, lagi bgus..sbb tu org dulu2 bila wat tahlil mesti ada mkn2.yela, manada org yg nak dtg umah semata2 nak wat tahlil je, ye tak? klu wat mkn2, ha byk pahala nye..pastu kita wat kat tempat terbuka, mana pulak nak kata ajaran sesat…=p  lagi pulak, jamu org bila org dtg umah ni, byk sgt pahala nye..plg kurang pon, bg la minum air sejuk ke..sbb nye, bila org tu kuar dr umah kita, dia bwk dosa2 kita separuh kua dr rumah…subhanallah.tak ke maknanya besa sgt amal bila kita jamu tetamu neh….
   
    pastu solat isya’ jemaah, pastu kenduri! makan nasi beriyani yg ktorang tempah
kat ZnI. sedap! tp klu mak yg wat lg sdp..pastu ktorang kendurikan kek mak wat ~ kek pandan n kek aiskrim.nyum2 sedap!~

    A declaration. Indeed. Fatimah tak ayu. Serius. What’s the declaration for? For people to realize that I am not that sorta girl, and will not have bad mouth behind me. Seriously.
    Saya tak ayu bila jalan. That’s the normal way girls should walk. don’t they? What, am I supposed to walk like a boy?
    Saya tak ayu bila pakai baju kurung selalu, pakai jubah, pakai tudung. That’s just my nature to love wearing those. Yet sometimes I do wear trousers, shirts, or even not wearing the so-called tudung labuh.
    Saya tak ayu bila duduk bersimpuh. It’s just that I’m tired duduk bersila lama-lama, or duduk atas kerusi lama-lama.
    Saya tak ayu bila makan lambat-lambat. Bukan nak kontrol cun ke pe. Coz I eat the same way while with my girlfriends, and not just pretending to do that in front of the boys. Saya ikut sunnah nabi pe, kunyah 40 kali. Ustaz saya pesan kunyah bagi hancur dulu baru telan.
    Saya tak ayu bila jalan pandang bawah. Believe me, am such a klutz. Anytime anywhere the possibility tetiba nak jatuh terpele’ot ke terlanggar batu ke so 90%. Why’s that? Dunno, really. I just can’t see straight in front, unless I have friends beside me, untuk memimpin.
    Saya tak ayu bila duduk2, pastu tunduk pandang bawah. Knowing me, you’ll know what am doing that time. I’m asleep! Or else too bored to see others, and sorta start to think outta box — which is berangan!huh!
   
    Why am I posting this? Coz people who don’t know me, and later get to know the bad side of me will say, ‘huh fatimah tu.nampak je cam sopan santun, tp perangai hampeh!’. Get that straight. I AM THAT SO-CALLED HAMPEH. Coz they got their impression thru my outside appearances, and when they knew the real me, they started to say bad things about me. I am not what people think I am. Be friend with me, you’ll know the real me — by the third impression. Indeed I am rude, naughty, bising, suka gelak kuat-kuat, kutuk orang.
    Easy to say, hard to believe. Simple tip then — don’t judge a book by its cover. Surely that proverb does has a significance for us to understand it.

    Would you believe in me if I say that last Tuesday, I met with an accident?
Even I believe that was a nightmare!
    I was on my way to Khalifah Institute, Ampang that day. It was raining, but not too heavy and I was a lil late. I speeded up in order to get there in time. It was 120kmph if I was not mistaken. But nearing to Jalan Cheras, I slowed down a bit, but not too slow (wonder why the accident then). A brown old car (can’t remember what type of that car) in front of me braking so many times. I was irritated bcoz we were on the right lane, so why the braking then?
    And as we drove downhill to Jalan Kuari, nearly Taman Safari - Kampung Pandan, that car suddenly stopped. I don’t remember whether he stopped suddenly or slowly, but the main thing was he really stopped there. I mean STOP, not SLOW. I was driving downhill, and it was raining, and at the right lane, and suddenly a car stopped in front of me. If I was not driving too fast and not too close with that car, I suppose that the accident would not happen. But, it was Allah’s plan. A lesson, the hard one, for me to learn.
    When I hitted the brown car, I was..some sort of blurred. Tercengang. Was I involved in an accident? I suddenly stopped my car, even though the brown car moved forward. I was still tercengang, and when I heard cars’ tyres (the sound when we brake suddenly) I was asking myself, again, was that the beginning of ‘my’ accident? I was about to switch off the air-cond (panik kan..bleh lak pk, nak tutup air cond dulu ke, nak tutup radio dulu. barang-barang yg berterabur dlm kete, nak kena kemaskan ke?bila nak matikan enjin ni?) when a car, Waja, hitted me. I was a bit throwned forward, and it was about 2 or 3 times. Not thinking a thing, I grabbed my phone (tercampak under the seat) and called my dad. My voice trembled but thanks to my dad that he answered me calmly. Called Qayyum telling him I cannot make my way to K.I.
    I moved out from the car, not switching off the engine, leaving my bag in the car. I found that there were 3 other cars behind me - Waja, Hyundai Getz, Toyota Camry. I didn’t think of anything that time and when a Malay-man, came right after the accident with his bike, approched me to send my car to his friend’s workshop, I agreed. When the man in the brown car asked me RM150,to settle the case without making any report against me, I agreed - to give him RM100 (but it happened that I only had RM80, borrowed RM20 from the bike-man). After I gave the money, he left. I tried to remember his plat no., but forgot few seconds after that. Then came a Chinese, approached me with his card to send my car to him. I refused as I made a deal with that Malay-bike-man. Then came another Chinese proposing me to tow our cars to Balai Polis and together we make a report. I agreed to him then. I didn’t know what was on my mind that time. But when that Chinese made the best proposal, I agreed as that was what I thought ‘very’ reasonable.
    Then we moved our cars to the side of that road. I told that Chinese that I wanted to wait until the tow-car came. So we stayed a while. That was when another Malay came. He approached me with that Chinese, telling me that the Malay-bike-man was trying to cheat - which he involved in a ‘game’ - and I was shocked. He gave evidences as he came with a car while the bike man came with a bike (and wearing a boot, mcm br balik pasar tani), he gave me a name-card but the bike-man didn’t. That opened up my eyes that I’ve been tricked. I borrowed the bike-man my phone so he can make a call - which my dad said that he was using me~.
    Couldn’t really remember what happened next, but I agreed when the Chinese asked me to go to Balai Polis with him. So I went in the car, not saying anything to the bike-man.ha-ha, serve him right! So we went to Balai Polis, made a report and I was found not guilty (ha-ha). My dad came and helped me settling things. After we finished settling things there, at Petaling Street, we went to Batu Caves - the Chinese’s workshop. Huh~ what a day..
    Telling people stories is a way to overcome our fear, trauma. I’m telling these all details to throw away my trauma. I’m still afraid to drive again, and the most things I feared is when to brake the car. Every time there’s a brake, I prayed that Allah will protect me and will be no more accident. Thanks to Allah nothing happened to me.

    Things I’ve learned::
- not to be too close with the car in front. pastikan jarak selamat anda dengan kereta hadapan!
- listen to what parents said. That day, I remember my mom’s advise not to drive too fast during raining. Jalan licin. tapi degil gak nak bawak laju..kan dah jadi camtuh..
- to have a camera! or at least fon-camera. coz dat day, we couldn’t take pictures of the scene and my car coz have no cameras.

Thanks Ya Allah for saving my life..

**27 Nov 2007 (birthday Mardhiya..)

    11.20am

    The thing I feared the most, finally happened. Yesterday’s night, 17 November 2007, Ust. Amrillah left us all for good, to rest in the other world forever.

    I had the uneasiness feeling yesterday. Start from the beginning of the day, I felt miserable. Sad, unhappy, and getting sick with that feelings. It then came with a thought that maybe that ‘thing I feared the most’ will happen. But am totally ignoring that feeling, yet planning to watch a movie today.

    But Allah knows better. What we planned never as good as His. My plan to go to MidVel was turned down by a news, that Ust. Amrillah had left us for the other world.

    My plan to visit ustaz this monday with Mardhiya cannot be done because she has some works to do. And our plan with school mates to visit him tomorrow turned out visiting him dead.  Verily and truly, Allah knows better what we don’t know..

    The most sad part was when his young boy crying out loud, calling ‘ayah’. My heart was like been stabbed with a knife. It was so devastating to watch him. He’s so young! And lost his father in that age. Unable to understand the nature of the incident. Also I coudn’t bear to watch his family, especially his mother. All of them looked so ‘tabah’, but at the same time, they were like..lost..that’s what the eyes told..

    May Allah forgives all of his wrongness, and put him among the mukminin.. Amin..